Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
