I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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