Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
