What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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