just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Mom said you looked used
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize