he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
