You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
