I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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