I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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