Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
