I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Couch. On fire.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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