U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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