i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Do vagina's smell?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
