just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
