i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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