My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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