After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
