you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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