My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
