Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Your shirt... Was in my pants
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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