That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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