Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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