I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize