i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
