I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
