Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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