I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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