I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
