If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
