It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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