Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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