if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
