There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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