I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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