some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize