booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
