called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
