i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
