O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
