It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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