you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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