bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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