Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
