butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
