It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize