He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't put those talents on a resume
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
