it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
