He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Come share oat with me in your robe
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
