I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
