Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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