you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
