i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
bring money and cleavage
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
