Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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