why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
