"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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