My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
