I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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