Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
