i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
