Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
