college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i think i just naturally attract stoners
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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