And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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