; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
