My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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