4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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