i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
