Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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