I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
