But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize