felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
