I think I just saw someone hide a body.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
