As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize