You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
