Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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