oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
