Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
