I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
