"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
