32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
