can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
