dude i'm inner monologue high
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
