I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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