i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
