Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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