WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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