I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
These tits shall not be calmed
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