so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
did i just pee glitter
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
