How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
