I'm drive I can fine osifer
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
