Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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