Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
