You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
