I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
