just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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