The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is Oprah even human
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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