Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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