Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
