she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
